You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
