You just made me feel so damn special
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
