so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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