She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
