at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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