I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
