Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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