Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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