my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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