mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
