addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
