So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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