Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
