pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
