Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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