I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
