i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
