is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
