he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
tell your sister to shave her snatch
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Randomize
