my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
