I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
