You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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