thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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