end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
