hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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