I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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