I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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