I'm so fucking centered right now
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
