carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
