So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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