:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
