Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
