I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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