My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
