thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
