loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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