she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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