you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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