Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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