i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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