There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
