i jhust puked up my retainher.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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