If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
