Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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