there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
