Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
