i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
