Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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