first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
