I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
