did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
