He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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